I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
