I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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