Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My bed smells like the plague
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
