Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
