"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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