By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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