Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
