mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
