I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize