Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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