Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
