I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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