now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
