Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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