he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
