If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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