Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
