You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
