Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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