I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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