I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
