My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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