Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
