there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize