bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
