I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
