No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
