hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
