I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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