it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
