Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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