1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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