I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
