I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
