Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
