Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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