life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
