Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
