i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
the raccoons are back...
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