Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
