Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
