dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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