i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My bed smells like the plague
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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