My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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