peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
