haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
