she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
this is an emotional support booty call
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
