my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
