I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
