if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
