Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
