The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
