I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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