So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
