i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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