The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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