The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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