i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
