Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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