You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just forgot I was standing up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
