apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
