I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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