I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i will never coherently bang her
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
