It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When are your genitals available?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
