I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
