I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
