dude i'm inner monologue high
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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