you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
