Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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