Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
