any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
