woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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