seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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