YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
