i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
