He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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