Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I look better un-naked...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
