Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
