I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
