Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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