I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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