I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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