She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
