Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
